I have had a tough time this last week. Not so bad that I should be worried I fell off the wagon when it comes to running Last week I had a literal fall. Not a particularly bad one I cut and bruised my hands and grazed my knee, which is healing quickly. It stung for a few days. The bigger hit was to my ego I couldn’t run this week but I am going back to it tonight.
Another hit to my ego was to do with the masters. I didn’t get good Feed back for my project probably because I miss-communicated my experience in relation to my video game idea. I didn’t tell them that I have some experience with Blender and unity and the feedback blindsided me. It’s a lesson and I have to get over the mental fallout that the feedback hit me with. I am going to talk to one of my lecturers on Thursday in the mean time I am going to get up to speed with a backup project.
Though I did make this quick demo.
Just so I have something to show my lecturer.
I need to build back u my confidence in relation to this. First step is tonight’s run. (So long as I don’t fall again.)
Another thing has been bothering me lately and its come into my notice a lot more because of the recent issues with Pantigate and stuff is I am hearing lines like “that’s so gay ” or someone calling people a faggot (I hate that word so much) or a lot more and I have found it making me angry there is a line in queers read this which has always stuck with me
I hate having to convince straight people that lesbians and gays live in a war zone, that we’re surrounded by bomb blasts only we seem to hear, that our bodies and souls are heaped high, dead from fright or bashed or raped, dying of grief or disease, stripped of our person-hood.
For example I was out last night with some straight friends. Nice people who I like a lot and we where having cocktails and the subject they got onto was “gay drinks” and I got asked “what is the gayest drink”. I couldn’t think of an answer now in a slightly more sober state I realise I shave said none of them there are no gay drinks I have seen gays drink everything vodka, Bavaria, fosters Heineken Guinness, wine. I love whiskey. and I am more then happy to drink a colorful cocktail not because my sexuality but because their fun and different.
I also had another friend drunk of his face say to me and a female friend I was getting a taxi with” I will walk you to the taxi you need a real man around”. I had a witty comeback for that one. Never mind that I was more able to walk the he was. Its little things like that that can ruin a night. And lower my estimation of a person.
One friend had the sense to ask me if him saying stuff like that bothered me. I told him it did. I didn’t expand on why because he didn’t need a lecture. He caught himself. And I do praise his self-awareness.
Its bothering me more now and I need to get better at saying it. This next year is a huge one in Ireland for gay civil rights. I’m going to have to grow a thicker skin and call bullshit and homophobia when I see it.
This post is a big step for me. I have written a lot like it but never had the bottle to post it. Maybe next time I can put it in a post of its own. Sometimes baby steps seem a mile wide.
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I have had a tough time this last week. Not so bad that I should be worried I fell off the wagon when it comes to running Last week I had a literal fall. Not a particularly bad one I cut and bruised my hands and grazed my knee, which is healing quickly. It stung for a few days. The bigger hit was to my ego I couldn’t run this week but I am going back to it tonight.
Another hit to my ego was to do with the masters. I didn’t get good Feed back for my project probably because I miss-communicated my experience in relation to my video game idea. I didn’t tell them that I have some experience with Blender and unity and the feedback blindsided me. It’s a lesson and I have to get over the mental fallout that the feedback hit me with. I am going to talk to one of my lecturers on Thursday in the mean time I am going to get up to speed with a backup project.
Though I did make this quick demo.
Just so I have something to show my lecturer.
I need to build back u my confidence in relation to this. First step is tonight’s run. (So long as I don’t fall again.)
Another thing has been bothering me lately and its come into my notice a lot more because of the recent issues with Pantigate and stuff is I am hearing lines like “that’s so gay ” or someone calling people a faggot (I hate that word so much) or a lot more and I have found it making me angry there is a line in queers read this which has always stuck with me
For example I was out last night with some straight friends. Nice people who I like a lot and we where having cocktails and the subject they got onto was “gay drinks” and I got asked “what is the gayest drink”. I couldn’t think of an answer now in a slightly more sober state I realise I shave said none of them there are no gay drinks I have seen gays drink everything vodka, Bavaria, fosters Heineken Guinness, wine. I love whiskey. and I am more then happy to drink a colorful cocktail not because my sexuality but because their fun and different.
I also had another friend drunk of his face say to me and a female friend I was getting a taxi with” I will walk you to the taxi you need a real man around”. I had a witty comeback for that one. Never mind that I was more able to walk the he was. Its little things like that that can ruin a night. And lower my estimation of a person.
One friend had the sense to ask me if him saying stuff like that bothered me. I told him it did. I didn’t expand on why because he didn’t need a lecture. He caught himself. And I do praise his self-awareness.
Its bothering me more now and I need to get better at saying it. This next year is a huge one in Ireland for gay civil rights. I’m going to have to grow a thicker skin and call bullshit and homophobia when I see it.
This post is a big step for me. I have written a lot like it but never had the bottle to post it. Maybe next time I can put it in a post of its own. Sometimes baby steps seem a mile wide.
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